byCarmine

Not much in the way of code updates to Dark Isles lately, just been a little bit tied up with assignments and appointments and other stuff this week. There’s been little time for RP as well. But as always, Uni work comes first.. got my web-design assignment in today (due tomorrow), so I can have tomorrow to work on my math assignment (due Monday).

Have had a few grades back, got my last webdesign assignment back and got 100% on that, got my last programming assignment back, and got an A+ on that, no idea (as yet) about how I’ve done in the math test or the last math assignment.. both of which I’ll be just happy to pass. Really.

I went to the counseling appointment on Tuesday and it was really good. The woman was easy to talk to, and as she had been a psych nurse previously, she had an understanding of what my Mum is like. And the general gist of things, she wants me out of living with my Mum as soon as possible and my Mum to be evaluated by the mental health department. She thinks it can’t wait till the end of the year as she thinks there is a risk for both Ewan and myself and she doesn’t know if mentally, and emotionally I can last that long, on my own.

She wants me to talk to my Mum’s counselor about getting a formal diagnosis for my Mum and either her counselor or her doctor to refer her to mental health. Primarily because of the suicide threats, but also because of the possibility of her having Personality Disorder. Which can and needs to be treated in a very specific way and there are programs available she can be in to help with it.

Also, under the mental health organisation, they’d help my Mum make sure she was in a suitable and safe living environment getting what aid she needed and being independent as needed.

Today I’ve got the appointment with the counselor. I’m not really sure what to expect. But I hope it helps. Though in all honesty I’m in a better place mentally than I was two weeks ago. But still, I need to learn how to deal with my Mum in a way that isn’t going to make her worse whilst still being true to myself. And doing what I normally do, push things aside under the virtual mat until the pile there gets so big I trip over it… isn’t likely a good solution.

I’m going to stop by town on the way home too. Maybe do a little shopping… it has been a long time since I’ve been out without Ewan (to a non-Uni place) so will take advantage of that.

At the moment is sitting down next to me and drawing me things. It is so cute. He’ll draw a scribble, point to it and go SSSSssssSSSSss (snake). And then draw another scribble, point to it and go Baaaaallllll. Or the new one he’s drawing is cluckcluckcluck (chicken).

The smarty-pants can even ‘read’. Well, he can read the letter E and point to it and tell me it is an EeeeeEEEee.

Today is off to a good start. In case you weren’t sure, the italics were an indication I was being sarcastic. Though that never really translates well in text. So perhaps I should just say things are not off to a good start today.

Ewan woke up at 3am, and I had to get up and resettle him. Only to find Mum still up cleaning. Mum had an appointment today early and she knew she had to get to bed early.

So of course, this morning when I wake up at 8.05am, Mum has switched her alarm off, so I had to wake her. She normally takes a good 30 minutes to get up, go to the toilet, and take her medications, and Ewan really needed his morning shower (he was quite upset and the shower calms him), so I figured I was safe quickly giving him one whilst Mum went through the usual routine of getting up.

Unfortunately, this upset my Mum in a big way. Enough for her to take my and Ewan’s things and throw them across the lounge. Because it was our fault she was running late, and because I was so selfish not to break Ewan’s routine to let her have the bath room first. I explained to her I was fine with her getting ready whilst I was in there… and all she had to do was say so … but she would have none of it.

She continued in a grump till she left. Everything was, and is my fault. I am a selfish spoiled brat who cares for no one but myself. Apparently.

I  know this isn’t true, but it still doesn’t leave me with a particularly nice feeling. Logically, I know the reason my Mum was late was because she choose to stay up late and because she turned her alarm off.

I find my motivation to do my assignments suddenly somewhat… lacking.

Mum- I don’t think that person x is right for y.

Me- You barely talked to person x though.

Mum- I get psychic feelings about people. I just know. If I told you someone you were seeing was wrong because of a feeling, would you stop seeing them?

Me- No.

Mum- Why not?

Me- Because I need to live my own life and find out things for myself.

Mum- Don’t you believe in my psychic ability? Wouldn’t you rather avoid all the pain and misery?

Me- I need to make my own choices and learn for myself.

Mum- You are a totally different person since you have come back from overseas.

Me- What do you mean?

Mum- -lengthy saddened sigh-

Mum- Well, you are what you are.

Am I that different? Yes. Of course. I am more confident. I say what I mean a lot more easily and stand up for myself. I have my own view points that are seperate from my Mum, and others. It wasn’t going overseas that did that, it was moving out of home. I just further developed my own self as more time went on. But as this is the first time I’ve moved back home, it is only now that I think Mum notices it.

Birthday was quiet but nice. You’ll see the cool birthday card I got from Ewan in a previous post which I absolutely adore.

I made us a yummy lemon cheesecake and we had an easy dinner of left overs and grilled chicken. Mum got me a yummy blue berry and white chocolate muffin for my birthday.

I managed to (mostly) stay away from my assignments, though had to make up for it today. Not pleased with the final assignment.. but it’ll get me a pass.

I even got to play (a little) on Dark Isles though it ended on a bit of a sour-note. But still, that I was able to was really neat. Big thank you to Archon for that.

And even got a call from my Brother tonight, which was great. Mum was a bit down today and tonight so I think it cheered her (and me) up a bit.

Can’t wait till the week is over. Another assignment due Wednesday morning (it is 75% done, gotta finish it tomorrow). And a big test on Thursday night. Then, I’m all ‘clear’ until the next round are handed out.

The work load and the pressure in the third year is 10x that of the second year.