Archive for April, 2009
Test at 7.15pm? Srsly?
18
Apr
So. I have a Math test at 7.15pm. The test runs for 80 minutes and we have to be there at 7pm. I’d not be home till 9pm
Ewan goes to bed at 6.30pm.
Buses stop running at about 6pm.
I have no car.
I can’t afford babysitting.
If Mum drops me off and picks me up.. Ewan can’t get to sleep till I get home. Also, she can’t actually put him in his cot safely.
It is a compulsory paper for my degree. I have emailed the lecturer to ask if I can sit at an alternative time. I’m not holding my breath. Asking for an assignment to be posted to be because I couldn’t get in didn’t yield me much joy.
Other alternative, if my Aunt isn’t busy and isn’t going away to Tauranga, coming over to watch Ewan whilst my Mum drops off and picks me up.
If that is also a no.. what can I do?
Sometimes life really does just seem too hard. Looking after my Mum, Ewan and attending Uni full time is tough enough, without this as well. I really wish I hadn’t gone full time. Sometimes I really wish I hadn’t decided to go back to Uni.
1 Day is All it Takes
18
Apr
1 day after Mum left and I was able to get Ewan down at 8pm instead of 10pm. 3 days after Mum left I was able to get Ewan down at 7pm. 5 days after Mum left and he was sleeping by 6.30pm and awake at 8am and a much MUCH happier boy.
1 day of Mum being back and she keeps him up till 9pm (by rattling about in the Kitchen right after I’d put him down to sleep and keeping him up. I have time and time again told her this keeps him up and just to wait, I’ll do it later. But of course it has to be done -then- and right then. Not only does she do it, but usually gets upset afterwards that I didn’t do it for her when she wants it done.). When I suggested that she had done this, she got moody.
All that work for fucking nothing. What is the point of even trying? Seriously.
No Title
18
Apr
It hasn’t even been 24 hours and I am already tired of being criticised constantly, the constant moods and the passive manipulative behaviour.
I unpacked over 50 bags of hers. My back is still sore. Everything I do seems to be wrong, I’m not allowed to do things my ‘own way’. Because my way is wrong and insuperior to my Mum’s way. Not even lunch time and I’ve been criticised more than 10 times already. Last night got to 6 before bed.
I saw the doctor yesterday and it didn’t overly help. She wouldn’t refer me to a counselor because I’m not at a point where I’m willing to, or considering taking my own life. And because it isn’t depression as an illness but rather depression as a reaction to a specific and understandable reaction to a specific situation. And I got charged $53 for the privilege.
Sorry
15
Apr
I know there was stuff that needed to be done tonight. I was just really, really tired and ended up blobbing out on the couch with yummy lasagna. The only thing that would of made it better would of been cheese cake. Which I brought the ingredients for today so plan to whip one up for my birthday on Sunday 
Ewan loves to mix things in a bowl so I’m sure he’ll enjoy helping me.
There’s been some improvements, upgrades and new benefits added for those that die. Unfortunately, you’ll only find out about them if and when you die. 
Whisper, Haunt and Death
14
Apr
A few biggish updates last night.
First of which was a bug fix for whispers, where sometimes instead of seeing the recog name or short desc, you saw ‘someone whispers’. This actually took a bit to track down and was more complicated than it appears.
This was needed for me to do a big update and fix to haunt. Now, both types of haunt should work, one where you can send a message to someone, and the other where you can haunt the location you died. One thing everyone must remember is that with the haunt
The next code update was to the death code itself. Basically it looks at whether you’re Vek, or Night demon, or Demon. Or whether you have a lot of Morhiag or Belial favour and puts you in the appropriate death rooms. Same applies to NPCs. So you should soon start seeing some rabbits popping up at the gazebo
HFMD
14
Apr
So, it turns out there was a bit of the reason for the depression, turns out I had hand foot mouth disease, gotten from Ewan’s creche (it was going around all the kids). It is rare though in adults as usually the adult immune system is enough to keep it at bay. However, with my cancer involving the immune system, my resistance to such things are kind of low so I managed to catch it. Which explains my overwhelming tiredness, irritability, sore throat, blisters, and all that other fun stuff. Good news is, it is nearly gone.
Despite this, there is still reason for me to see the doctor about dealing with my Mum and how I handle it, because it still really gets to me. My periodic rants here are evidence of that. And how much happier I have been on my own these last 2-3 weeks whilst my Mum has been away visiting relatives. Though I admit to missing her still, and look forward to her coming back this weekend. Doubly so because it’s my birthday and it’d be nice to not spend it alone (like the last two years). Well, wasn’t truly alone, Ewan was there but not quite sure he realised it was my birthday
Doctors Appointment
08
Apr
Hail, thunder, lightning and rain.
Normally I’d be thoroughly enjoying the weather, but today it means I can’t get to the doctor.
No car… I normally walk. If it was a light rain or drizzle I’d brave it but this weather makes it impossible. 
Rescheduled, soonest I could get was next Friday.. but unfortunately my Mum is back so it is going to be a bit of a fight to get into see my GP .. on my own.